Idealistic thoughts

(Since I know some of you still will be reading the blog, I decided to put this one on even though many of you have already heard it. I still feel it's my best and I know it's Julia's fav *wink*)

This was how I imagined the conversation to go
Hey, how have you been?
Good, things have been working out well, you?
Yeah, you know how it is. Living the dream.
Good, good. I haven’t seen you in forever!
I know. There is so much to tell.
Yeah, there is. Want to go out to lunch so we can catch up?

And we talked for hours, all the laughs and sighs of a past history
The twinkling and fizzing of a renewed chemistry thought lost
Would I let myself bleed again for him?
Yes. A million times over.

His house, late at night in his bed
Over and over, an insane and wild passion unleashed
I would remember that body, slim and smooth
I would remember those eyes, dazzlingly deep blue
I would never have forgotten the way his neck curved under my kiss
Or the heat of flushed faces and careless little chuckles of enjoyment
Or our lips swollen from touching while I shivered in his warm embrace
The warmth
Warmth was what I would rejoice in
An indescribable warmth spreading to fingers and toes, a fire in my core
A fire in my very being
I would remember our first time,
Ten years later when I met him again
Hiding the pain far and deep
Never
For a moment
Let him see the blood he had drawn
Our bodies so familiar to one another, connected in perfection
And this time he would love me
He would love me still years later
The regrets of not admitting the truth
His gestures would be apologies,
Would accept with no question
Please stay, he would say
The two words I dream of
Curling up into his chest
Feeling soft kisses on my face
Together, is all that I wanted
Nothing but a dream of the future

A wasted wish with no hope
But I couldn’t deny it
If there was a way to cope
I would try it
Unable to let go of the past
Time keeps speeding by so fast
But I hear your whispers to me in the night
And then there is emptiness
You aren’t whispering to me, you don’t even know
Because there’s the undeniable hatred you show
I must wake to reality of hard dawn
Know that you aren’t beside me,
Fake pictures in my head I’ve drawn
I lied to myself for so long
Thinking you’d love me, so wrong
A slap on the cheek
Was all that I needed
To you I’m just that freak
Who never succeeded.