Campfire
I can remember standing on the rocky gravel,
over the popping,
crackling fire.
The smoke rising,
blue and think,
drifting up from the leaping flames,
filling our eyes and nostrils.
My sister and I put on our goggles
from our 7 am swim classes at the lake,
so the smoke wouldn't sting our eyes as we stood over dancing flames.
The fire was hot against our gangly little legs,
all scabbed over,
from scratching bug bites,
and climbing trees.
My dad had let me help chop the kindling,
I was seven,
He said Lindsey was too young to use the axe,
but he let me.
He had just gotten up to camp tonight,
I had been up all week.
We were going on the boat in the morning,
but tonight we were just going to sit around the fire until we began to nod off...
i think you describe this so well. the intricate details really help me imagine this in my head. like the scabbed over legs and the goggles protecting you. good work!
ReplyDeleteI really like the feel of this, it was like the poem itself was rising up like the campfire. I think the short lines and double spacing gives it that light airy feel. Anyway, I really enjoyed it. Nice job, Katie.
ReplyDeleteI love this! There are so many details that really help create a picture in the reader's head! I think this poem really shows your voice and is a great portrayal of a strong use of diction. Good Job!!!
ReplyDeleteThis poem is great! I love how you wore your goggles to protect your eyes from the smoke. That sounds like something my sister and I would do. I like the fact that you chose such a random memory to make into a poem, it really makes this poem so compelling.
ReplyDeleteI really like this, the details and the images set the reader up for a great image of it. You have a really good voice, good job!
ReplyDeleteI think the goggle detail is my favorite, but I am not sure because there are so many good lines here! That whole stanza does all the things that good writing is supposed to do: get to the emotion through the sensory. I love it!
ReplyDeleteThe details here, especially the "gangly little legs" part were awesome. The ending too is clever. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteI thought it was interesting how the perspective continued to change from first person singular to first person plural and how that in a way reflects the train-of-thought style of the poem.
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