Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Replacement

Everyone looked at me,
“You are just like him.”
Cherry pie, lights on at the dinner table.
They clung to the common similarities.
Desperate, hoping for one thing that could bring him
Back.

But it didn’t, I wasn’t him.
He was gone.
So I stayed strong, hoping that would be
Enough
For my family to move on.
But they didn’t.

Tears continued to fall,
Depression lingered in the corners
For years, never fully
Escaped.

I tried to be what everyone needed.
To banish the sadness and stop
The cycle of salty water rolling
Down their faces.
They cried. Yet I couldn’t.
And no one noticed.

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6 comments:

  1. Sarah KennedyMay 10, 2011 at 10:19 AM

    I like how you used enjambment to embellish the significance of some of the words you used.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ms. HerlihyMay 12, 2011 at 5:24 AM

    I like the line: I tried to be what everyone needed./To banish the sadness....
    I also like the details in the first stanza. The personification of sadness is a nice layer too.

    ReplyDelete
  3. natalieMay 16, 2011 at 5:12 AM

    I like the detail and your use of descriptive words.

    ReplyDelete
  4. kelly devoeMay 16, 2011 at 5:15 AM

    I like the way you broke up the lines to stress the emotion of certain words

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ms. HerlihyMay 18, 2011 at 10:40 AM

    I think this poem resonates with a clear tone. I like the notion of trying to "banish" sadness. Nice work.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Megan CreedenMay 19, 2011 at 9:14 AM

    The tone of this poem is really moving and the way you ended it with "And no one noticed.
" is so simple yet powerful at the same time.

    ReplyDelete

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