I am running all alone
Accompanied by the sullen drone
Of my broken heart.
Then you saw me go by
You know that I am shy
And that my heart is falling apart.
I fell right to the ground
Without the slightest sound
Completely filled with hate.
Then you helped me to my feet
And our eyes do meet
You’re not a second late.
Tears falling from above
Because of hate and love
Quickly rolling down my face.
You standing close to me
The one thing that I see
Bringing me on to a better place.
You holding me so near
Easing every fear
That disrupts my mind.
You talking very slow
Just to let me know
That good we always find.
You take away the pain
The truth is very plain
You heal using your love.
You genuinely care
Much to my despair
I’m the one you’re thinking of.
You tell me it’s ok
Not to fear the day
Because you know I will.
When I’m wrapped up in your arms
I’m safe from any harm
And time seems to stand still.
We stand there for a while
Never with the slightest smile
You just holding me.
Not saying a single word
But your voice is heard
A better day there will be.
I really love that you took a potentially cliched topic and managed to make it your own. I think this becomes especially clear in the last stanza when you "stand there for a while/Never with the slightest smile." It's unexpected given the subject, which keeps things interesting.
ReplyDeleteI think you pulled the rhyme scheme off perfectly! The flow and tone intertwine perfectly. I would have liked to see more imagery but I understand that can be tricky in a format such as this one.
ReplyDeleteI like the first three lines:"I am running all alone/accompanied by the sullen drone/of my broken heart." These kind of phrases do what Sydney says: manage to make the potentially cliche fresh.
ReplyDeleteWith poems that rhyme, I usually focus more on the rhyming rather than the actual content, but this poem somehow manages not to emphasize it as much. The content of your poem really shines through in a non-cheesy way- which is why I love it!!!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Erika. Weaving emotion and sentimentality into a typically lighthearted format is not easy but I think you managed to pull it off nicely.
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ReplyDeleteYou could really feel the persons emotion coming out of this poem. I held a lot of sadness but at the same time hope. I think that it really flowed nicely and got a great picture of what the writer was trying to get across.
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