A chill
burns in my bones. My
limbs are sediment, still and
silent, propped, framing this log
of a body
who is cold, cold permeating deeply
and not allowing the warmth of
the fire in to crackle and steam
away the tired, tired blanket
of lethargy that lifts only at night, in a dark room lit
by two lights, one high and yellow one
close and impersonal, and these legs
are pillows for elbows,
these bones are fags
for the flame.
I really like this poem. You made powerful choices on where to break your lines, which helped to keep the image of what you were saying stick in my mind. I love how you end the poem also. It's overall very vivid, and your words are meticulously chosen. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI love your writing voice!
ReplyDeleteThe language creates a tone here and I agree with Raisa: you are meticulous in your diction. I think I love the bookmarks of this poem: A chill/burns in my bones" and the last two:"these bones are fags/for the flame." I wonder why you titled it with the addition of "as well"?
ReplyDeleteI really like the use of opposites with the lines about warm and cold. I think that since everyone understands warm and cold, the message becomes even stronger. Nice job.
ReplyDelete