shame

pain, guilt, guilt, pain,

you walk down the hallway
trying to walk with strength
but your head bows in shame
when their judging eyes catch
a glance of you and the hurtful
whispers commence.
whoever said "words can never hurt"
was seriously mistaken. your first
reaction is to cringe, then to be embarrassed,
but then
you feel angered.
what gives them the right to judge you?
are they all so perfect that the moment
you do something wrong it gives them a
free pass
to be cruel?
one mistake has changed everything.
maybe it's for the better, you try to
convince yourself, but then you think
of all you have suffered and just wish
that time will pass quicker and you
will no longer have to endure this
everlasting agony.
"time heals all wounds," you're told as
if that's supposed to make you feel better.
although the practical part of you becomes
your own worst enemy, believes that
you deserve what you're getting.. you still
have that other part of you that just wants
to be forgiven,
to be understood,
to be happy.
But oh no, oh no, your days must be
darkened with the regret you feel until
others are satisfied with the amount of
torturing that they consider you justly
deserve, that you are forbidden to have
any form of happiness, and must accept
the torment that both yourself, and they
bring upon you.
all you can do now is wallow in self-pity
and never give up hope .. that everything
happens for a reason, and that in the
future you will be grateful for what
happened because it made you stronger,
but for now, you must accept the misery