Underneath my skin is my heart
Underneath my heart is your strength
Taking the kayaks out on the choppy water
I knew I wasn't strong enough
To handle the same waves as you
Under your strength is your voice
Telling me everything will be okay
And your hand squeezing mine
Giving me hope
As the doctor explains the risks
We need to take so I can live
Under your voice is your smile
So bright, so happy
Pulling everyone in
Like bugs to the porch light in the summer
Under your smile is the day I realized
You had lost your strength
Lost your voice
Lost your smile
Under that day is another day
The last day
Your mom's cracked voice
Telling me you are gone
Under the loss of you
Is all that I gained from you
All the things I need to carry on
Meg, this is so good. It almost made me cry. I love how your feelings really come through even in the shortest of your lines. The last three lines are so thoughtful, it's amazing. One of my favorite lines is "like bugs to the porch light in the summer", it is a great simile and I love it!
ReplyDeleteOmg, ya this really moved me because it brings alot of my own feelings into play. I remember your paper about this and how deeply you felt about this subject. This poem is so amazing as you talk about how this person impacted your life, i like how the beginning of each stanza flows into the next as you do the "underneath" thing. I like the double repetition of "lost your strength, lost your voice, lost your smile", wonderful! haha :)
ReplyDeleteI loved when you read this aloud in class and I loved reading it here. I think the concrete imagery works so well to set up the emotional impact later in the poem. Great observations throughout Meg.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe when we sharing our poems in our small group that you said this wasn't good! Meg, this poem is so powerful, that one can't help but get goosebumps. You are a great writer and crafted this poem in a way that right from the beginning until the very end, the reader's interest is kept. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI love the way this poem gives you just small images and bits of the story rather than the whole thing... it's a really interesting mixture of being specific and being subtle that makes it really powerful. One of my fav lines is I knew I wasn't strong enough to handle the same waves as you.. I love how that can mean so many things here. And the last 3 lines are soo good. awesome job :)
ReplyDeleteIt gave me chills when you read it in class! I really liked, "I knew I wasn't strong enough
ReplyDeleteTo handle the same waves as you," but everything you wrote had so much impact. So good!